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I.M. Etiquette: Instant Message
Ignorance. (section 12)
- Don't message me with a "Hello, how are you" or equivalent trivial
small-talk without a logical point or purpose.
Honestly, I will be more than happy to help you with a UNIX/LINUX
problem, other technology problem, or anything else interesting to me if
I have the time and motivation at the moment, but you must get to the
point. Ask your question first! If you are providing me with useful
information, out with it! Don't distract my attention with trite or
trivial bullshit that I won't care about. I don't just sit at my computer
staring at the screen hoping to get a f'king bloody IM message, my time
is a commodity, don't waste it. Furthermore, you are permitted to
express your gratitude at the end of the conversation. Remember, keep
it logical and to the point.
- Don't let others use your damn screename. It is very rude
to allow others, and me, to be deceived by letting someone else use your
screenname.
If your wife, girlfriend, brat kids, or f'king dog uses your computer in
your absence, don't let them masquerade around using your IM screenname.
If you do, then you are definitely an idiot because IM services such as
AOL's AIM allow you to have an UNLIMITED number of screennames. Yes,
your wife, kids, dog of a girlfriend or anyone else that touches your
crappy computer can have THEIR OWN screenname! I know, it sounds too good to
be true, but take my word on this one, idiot. There is no excuse for
letting others share your screenname in your absence.
- Don't send me files via IM. The transfer protocols in most
IM programs suck. You try sending me a file in AIM I will hit you with
warnings from 20 different AIM accounts!
There are logical mediums for this sort of thing, such as FTP.
Incidently, FTP is actually an acronym for File Transfer Protocol, fancy
that!
- I hate bastard custom fonts and colors in an IM message. Send
the message in the default text font and size.
This is not such a big issue in AIM as I use GAIM and I can override
your idiot fonts and background coloration. However, consider that IM
has a logical function to communicate. It is not your crammed little
cube in your shitehole minimum-wage job, you do not have to give it
"flare" by decorating it.
- The ICQ Offline Message Queue is perhaps the most offensive
flaw in this antiquated and now AOL preverted instant messenger.
Though obsoleted, this annoyance resulted in the 1999 ICQ policy that
is reciprocating for all present and future IM's with this "feature":
Due to the large volume of offline ICQ messages
I receive when I first log on to the service in
the morning, I now purge all pending ICQ messages
sent to me while I'm offline.
reason: ICQ is NOT an acceptable email agent.
resolution: If I am offline, send me an email.
This policy was implemented July 1, 1999 and
applies to all persons on my contact list.
Email Etiquette: Email me if you must. (section 2)
- Do not forward me Jokes, Feel-good bullshit, or any other trite,
useless, and annoying garbage. I hate these so called "forwards"
and I will hurt you if you send me any "forwards" of this nature.
Don't include me on your f'king inconsiderate SPAM whim CC if it has a
bunch of > (carrots) in the message body, is a joke
that you think is funny, or warns that you must pass it along to X
number of people or something bad will happen, because no matter how bad
it sounds, what I will do in retaliation is going to be a great
magnitude worse! A joke that you may think is funny I promise you I
won't because you are below me and so is your small minded sense of
humor. Email has a logical purpose which does not include wasting
Internet bandwidth with ignorant crap. Flush the crap and leave me the
hell alone!
- Email is NOT a File Transfer Protocol. However, I will
forgive the occasional small attachment if it is useful and convenient.
Don't push your luck, if you are unsure if the file size is small
enough or that the file itself is going to be worth my attention, then
don't risk it. The last thing you want to do is get on my bad side by
crossing the line with some bullshit attachment. Never send me an
executable file as an attachment. Always make sure the attachment is in
a compressed format, either native to the file type or pkzipped, but
never a dumbass proprietary compressed archive such as a rar.
- Don't include me with a dozen or more addresses in the TO: field,
and be logical about using the CC: field. Better yet, just always
use BCC: to be safe.
That's right, your email message with a header the length of a shitty
JRR Tolkien novel is just going to get you smacked in the back of the
head. Firstly, I don't necessarily like seeing my email address that I
have in trust granted you to use on an open email header packed with
email addresses of other individuals I may not even know. The last
thing I need is for some jackass idiot to harvest my address from your
message's header so that I may receive yet more spam shite from yet
another idiot! The BCC field is magic! That's right, you can send your
email to many people without anyone on the distribution list knowing who
else or how many others received your stupid useless lame arse message.
This is for the good of all the victims receiving your damn email.
IRC Etiquette: Internet Relay Chat. (section 5)
- Fortunately, it takes some intelligence to use IRC. For this
reason you will meet more contemptible f'kers like me and fewer idiots like
yourself.
If you are looking for other idiots to become idiot friends with, you
will have better luck on a simple IM such as ICQ. IRC is old and since the days past of
NS-Chat most of the idiots and love-sick ugly fat arse teens have left
IRC since it does not come standard with their dumbass AOL account.
Due to the migration and demographic shift of idiots away from IRC to
IM, I will not invest my time in warning idiots like you how to conduct
yourself with proper etiquette on IRC. Not that there aren't still
idiots on IRC, it is just that I am able to f'ker'em up good as a result
of all the vulnerabilities in most IRC chat clients so I don't feel the
need to warn you or them first.
- IRC is Internet Relay Chat, mIRC is software, so don't refer to
IRC (the medium) as mIRC (the software.)
If I had a dollar for every time someone referred to IRC as mIRC I
would be a rich man. Unfortunately, money doesn't grow on trees and the
world is not rich with intelligence. IRC has been around a lot longer
than the software called mIRC. Furthermore, mIRC is only one of many
software programs that allow one to use IRC. Google for mIRC and you will
see what I mean. Even writers such as Joan Stark who wrote "You ASCII'd
For It" demonstrates ignorance by this erroneous reference despite
including the actual acronym words (less the m.) You people really are
hopeless and should all commit suicide immediately.
HTML Etiquette: Your Web Site Sucks!. (section 13)
- Pay attention you moron! The web site section has been moved
to the side panel under the heading "WEB SITE CONTENT AND DESIGN". If
you weren't such a lame arse loser you would have noticed this on your
own.
Conclusion: Light at the End of the Tunnel.
You are quite right, this web site was worth reading! Very good, you
have graduated from being a total worthless idiot to being something a
step up from that.
You are still not able to see me or others like me from where
you are, but at least you show some promise. I might consider hiring
you to clean my cat's arse someday or some other great honor. But until then,
you can avoid annoying me by using proper Internet Etiquette.
Section numbers extracted from previous text guide to
Internet behavior. That guide was too nice. This one is more to the
point with all of the unnecessary and deprecated sections removed.
Furthermore, your mother doesn't love you and you have always been your
father's little whore. Now get off your fat arse, turn off your shitty
Dell hunk of junk computer, and get a job you worthless sack of shite.
EOF
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COMMANDO'S WORD IS GOSPEL
It is your privilege to communicate with me on the Internet, it is not
your right. Whether the communication occurs on a chat medium, email,
instant message, or merely by the off chance I will visit your web site
and actually take the time to view the content, it is in your best
interest not to annoy me.
If you are an idiot, and know it, then you may stop reading this because
I will never be interested in communication with you over the Internet.
Go watch Harry Potter or some stupid shite like that and bugger off.
Maybe you fancy yourself as better than the conventional idiot, if so,
read on. You may find peace in learning you are not an idiot, or you
may suddenly discover that you are, in which case refer to the previous
paragraph.
This is a work in progress. New idiot behaviors may be documented here.
You could become an idiot at any given time! If that alarms you, then
you should bookmark this page so you can constantly keep yourself in
check and avoid being an idiot!
FEEDBACK: YOUR COMMENTS
After reading everything here if you have not been
the least bit offended, then you must let me know. Because if I have
failed to offend you then either you are truly not an idiot, or I have
failed to be sufficiently offensive to idiots.
Furthermore, if you truly have been insulted by something you read here, then
consider that it must really have hit close to home! You have problems
and you need to take a good long look in the mirror. Don't bother me
with your problems. You need to spend some quality time with you and
your life will become bright and sunny again... not really! Just kill
yourself and bugger off.
Lastly, don't send me notifications of typographical, grammatical, or
related errors. If you couldn't understand what you were reading, yet
somehow mustered up the mental power to identify any of the errors here
then you are worse than an idiot, you are an idiot with an education;
and that makes you dangerous.
WEB SITE CONTENT AND DESIGN
Ok, I mentioned it as a form of communication and so it will be covered
here, in the little side panel that you have aimlessly navigated though
to this portion of. If you have not been sufficiently enlightened by
the great wisdom of commando then read on tosser! The fact that you
made it this far shows that there is hope for you yet.
Your fucking web site probably sucks and nothing you read here will
change that. Only a select few individuals know how to construct a
logical, standard, and useful web site. Odds are that you are not one
of these select few individuals so I hope that you are not employed as a
commercial web designer.
Everybody and their dog or dog of a girlfriend fancies themselves as
webmasters. To the detriment of the World Wide Web many of these
individuals construct web sites that become indexed by a major search
engine such as Yahoo!.
You can at least make some logical decisions in an effort to minimize
the degree to which your web site or personal home page sucks.
Don't use FRAMES, they went out with Crystal Pepsi. You can frame a
picture of your fat-arse mother to hang above your bed, but don't frame
up a web page.
Anything made by Macromedia is f'king garbage. Shockwave and Flash are
full of security vulnerabilities. Only morons even install these so
called "plugins". If it is your intention to construct a web page for
idiots, then you are probably an idiot too, so piss off because you are
not likely to benefit from reading further.
Micro$oft Frontpage is not for creating web pages. The word create
suggests a degree of creativity, and there is nothing creative about
using this abomination of a web authoring tool. It is a stretch to
refer to it as a web design tool, much like referring to a plastic spoon
as a surgeon's tool for performing abortions on pregnant whores. You
would be doing the whore a greater service with the plastic spoon at any
rate than forcing her to view your crappy front page created web site.
Finally, contrast the text from the background. Do not use loud
obnoxious background images, and learn standard HTML. There is much
more to creating a worthy web site than what has been mentioned here.
Frankly, I don't think you are worth my time so I am going to quit here.
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